6. “Try to improve yourself but forget about your plans for the future.”
Toxic parents do not like their children to leave the house because they feel insecure about themselves and think nothing about giving the child their space to live their adult life on their own terms. They want to child to succeed but they are inconsiderate of the process and what the child has to go through to achieve the success.
Narcissistic parents get excited about their children’s success for 2 reasons. Such parents love to take credit for their children’s success. More than the child, they will revel in that self-proclaimed glory just so others envy them. Moreover, toxic parents stand to benefit from successful children
7. “Follow my advice but blame yourself if you fail.
Some parents usually treat children like their objects. They insist that the child follows their plans and advice. The moment such plans fail, they don’t hesitate to point a finger at the child. If things don’t go wrong, they don’t take responsibility for having to be in control all the time.
8. “Move out but don’t leave me alone.”
A good parent will guide and help a child to lead an independent life. Toxic parents, on the other hand, do not let go of their children. They will find some excuses and also emotionally blackmail the child into staying with them. In spite of not letting go of the child even when they are adults, they don’t hesitate to point out that the house, food, and all amenities belong to them. Objections by the child are simply ignored.
9. “Take our help but stop exploiting us.”
Toxic parents are often contradicting themselves which leaves the child emotionally confused and depressed at what the parents actually want. Such parents will repeatedly offer their children things a bit if the child refuses out of good intentions, the parents show resentment. A child may also accept in some cases thinking that their parents are most probably lonely and want to feel needed. However, this does not end on a positive note because later, the parent will always throw this in the child’s face reminding them of how they did things for them.
Kids feel like prisoners:
When accepting help from their parents and staying with them, the child begins to feel a sense of confinement because there is nothing to please a toxic parent. The child begins to feel a sense of obligation to their parents for their support. They are also expected to return the favors at any time. This makes a child feel like a prisoner in their own home.
10. “Trust me but always keep an eye out.”
For children of toxic parents, there is no such thing as independence, private life or personal life. Even if they try to put restrictions on their personal lives, the parents see it as a sign of mistrust. A parent will always have a spare key to the home and as a result, there is never a moment of privacy. Moreover, the child will be subjected to accusations of missing things and questions like “why haven’t you washed the dishes” or “why are you buying such rubbish”. These type of parents care little for their child’s emotional needs and space. They don’t respect their children’s needs of a personal life.
How do you handle a toxic parent?
Getting rid of a toxic atmosphere at home is no easy task be it for children or adults. Psychologists feel there are special ways to do so like tips on protecting our personal boundaries and how to save a relationship. One must follow the tips below. These recommendations are based on the fact that you as an individual have rights and needs such as:
- You can’t change the past.
- Toxic relationships are like a chronic disease. Rather than cure it, you need to avoid the triggers that make it worse.
- Avoid complications.
- You have the right to live in your own house
- You have the right to your own rules
- Do not bother about resolving issues between relatives
- Restrict access to your personal space or territory
- Learn about your own experience and just ignore the famous parent phrase “I know better”
- Manage your own time and money
- Choose your own interests
These are rules relevant for both parents and children. Children too should remember that they shouldn’t take parents for granted and neither should they cut them out of their lives.
Related article: Ten things that poison your life and how you can avoid them